She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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