She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize