You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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