Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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