Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
