So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
