It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is wine microwaveable?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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