Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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