her facebook's as public as her vagina
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
