This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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