I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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