You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
