What a fucking waste of an outfit
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
