Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if only i could text you this smell
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
