You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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