Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
