VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
