Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
