My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
