The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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