Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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