I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
