At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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