Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
