just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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