My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
