my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
