As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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