God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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