Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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