if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
