Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
