just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
