the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You can't just leave with hair like that
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
