This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
