How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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