you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize