and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
