In the future we'll all be gay
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
