I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
