I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
