Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
