just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
