never play flip cup with pint glasses
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
