so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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