I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
