i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
