He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
