Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
