i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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