My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize