put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
