I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
