just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
