This is not my ceiling
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
