Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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