dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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