shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
