I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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