Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
