Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
