I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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