She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
