Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
