why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
