I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
