Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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