and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
