Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
