Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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