There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
