my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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